Halloween

I am determined to write you more! I am trying to figure out your sleep schedule lately and it is driving me crazy. Some days you want one nap, some days 2, and some days NONE! We are trying to switch you to just one nap a day but you aren't taking a long enough nap. We will get it figured out! You have switched from going to bed at 9 to going to bed at 8 and sleeping in til 8. Works for me! Although, your Daddy is home on vacation this week and I am enjoying the extra, kid free (sorry!) time with him, I will miss you being awake with me once he goes back to work. Sometimes I wish you would sleep from like 11pm to 11am. Then we could stay up together and SLEEP IN together! But, I have always tried to listen to your body and do what comes naturally for you. When you were hungry I fed you, when you were sleepy I let you sleep, I have never been a stickler for a schedule. We have a routine, but definitely not a schedule! It seems to work well for us and that is all that matters. Well, today is Halloween and as I am sure you already know by the time you read this, that we don't celebrate Halloween. This is really odd for me, especially at first. I am getting on board though. I grew up celebrating Halloween and it was never a really BIG holiday in our house, but it was definitely something you looked forward to doing every year. My favorite parts were when we would come back and your Grandma would be making apple cider for all of us. The years that we had a van were best. We would ride down the road with the door open and hop out hit up 5 or 6 houses and hop back in all while Grandpa drove and Grandma was home handing out candy for the trick or treaters. I like the idea of getting to dress up as something cute and silly and then getting free candy, but Halloween is much more than that. In Mexico, it is called "La dia de los muertos" or the day of the dead. Your father can explain this more in detail to you, just ask him! He will be happy to explain it. But essentially it is a day that you call out the spirit/soul of loved ones that have passed on and leave a trail from the cemetary to your house. You offer them food and build an alter, etc. There is a lot of folklore behind it, but it is definitely a satanic holiday as well, with spiritual warfare in full blast! There are many examples in the Bible that we will be happy to show you, that support the way we have decided to stand on this issue. I worry that you will be upset when all of your friends are going Trick or Treating and you are not allowed to go. I hope that you will sit down with your Dad and listen to him on this. He is such a strong Christian and this is very important to him. He believes very strongly in this. You have to remember that things are very different here than how your father grew up. He had a much different childhood than you and I. It is important in family and life that we respect the views of others. With this being said, that also includes others views that we may not agree with or support. Just because someone doesn't believe the things you do doesn't make them wrong or even bad/evil. That is their decision. I want to teach you to stand up for what you believe in, but do it in a way that is not condeming of others. When you are older you can chose whether or not you want to participate in Halloween, but until then I pray that you respect the guidance and wisdom of your father and I. In the big scheme of things this is really not that big of a deal (I promise!!). 
I have to tell you the greatest thing you've done lately! You went poo poo in the potty for the first time yesterday! You were playing on the bed with me and daddy and you starting pointing to your diaper and trying to tell me something. Well this is normally what you do "after" you have already done your deed. Well I asked you "Do you need to go poo poo?" and you said yes, then I asked "Do you wanna go poo poo in the potty" and you said YES! I was so excited! We ran to the bathroom and you went!! You did it! I was jumping up and down and you started clapping your hands and your Daddy came running in to see what happened! Haha! I never imagined I would be so excited over some POOP! But it is fantastic to see you learn and do and grow!
You know me, I am a worrier. I am so excited that you are talking more and more, but I can't help but worry that you aren't talking as well as you should be. Maybe my expectations are too high. Afterall, you are learning two languages. I am just so convinced that something is going to be wrong or something will remain from all that happened to you. I have to stop it and truly believe that God has FULLY healed you. Everyone tells me how smart you are and I have to tell you, they can tell me how cute you are all day long but if someone tells me you are smart, man! That means THE WORLD to me! I love that you are so handsome and beautiful, but knowing that you are smart and will be able to do anything you want to in this life is a feeling that cannot be measured. You have touched the lives of many and I would like to share with you something a dear friend of mine wrote about you recently. I may even share a few of the comments that people posted about it for you. You may not even know what Facebook is by the time you read and understand all of this, but I will at least share what was written:

You all know how VERY much I love my grandbabies...to the moon and back and until the stars fall from the sky. But, I have to admit before God and the world that this little boy, Isaiah Vidal,...whew...tears me up...in a good way, every tim...e I see his bright, smiling, happy, sincere, innocent, perfectly HEALTHY face! This is his most recent picture his mom just posted and I have her permission to share it with you. This little miracle that now walks and talks on earth who, by all accounts since his very first breath, should not be doing so. This precious baby boy who was gifted from God not only to his amazing parents, Cari Biggers Vidal and her husband, but, indeed, gifted to us all. This angel of love whom so very many of you joined with me in fervent prayer for last year only hours after his birth during a succession of many unexplained seizures that stopped his heart and deprived his brain of oxygen for more minutes than "allowed" each time. I met him for the very first time in person just before July 4th this summer while on a visit to Mooresville, NC, and I was able to hold him and touch him and feel his breath against my skin and I was absolutely reduced to tears upon the realization that I had received a gift myself. As unworthy as I am, for some reason the Good Lord saw fit that I should know the experience of how it feels to see and touch and look straight into the eyes of a true miracle. And as I held Isaiah that very first time ...I think I actually clung to him, there was such a sweet release for my soul of knowing that if God can do what He did for Isaiah and for my sweet friend, Cari and her husband, there is absolutely NOTHING that He cannot do for any of us. This beautiful little boy has changed my life forever and I will always love him as if he is one of my own. Thank you all again for being a part of Isaiah's prayer chain. YOU made a difference in his life and he has most certainly made a difference I mine. I love you, Isaiah Vidal. And, Cari, I love you too and am so happy for you and so proud of the mother that you have become. I hope to get back for another visit soon! Love, Me ♥

 

"Me" here is a lady named Debra Snipes. Here is a picture of the two of you the first time you met:

 

 

We also just had some fall pictures done of all of us. I will post two of my favorites. Your grandma has the disc with all the pictures so I will have to show you more later.

 



You are so incredibly handsome!! We have been so blessed with such a good little guy! You are starting to get quite a mind of your own lately and we have had to really start disciplining you and sticking to our guns when we say NO! Which is a lot harder now that you say "peeeez!" so sweetly! We are having so much fun with you! You are enjoying every second that your daddy is home! Him and I were talking after you went to bed the other night and in conversation he said "well yeah, we'll be best friends" He was referring to when you become "a man" and it just really touched me because I love that he wants to be your daddy now, and looks forward to being best friends with you as you grow. This is saying a lot for your dad, as you know, he can be a bit reserved and quiet. But it showed me how much he loves your company and the little spitfire you are becoming! You already are best of friends but I can only imagine the way your bond will continue to grow and develop as you get older. We knew you were special before you were even born, but there's no doubt about it, you will do GREAT things son!

14 months and counting!

I can't believe it has taken me almost 10 months to write again! I would love to write more but you are keeping me insanely busy! First let me fill you in on your past few months! Last time I blogged you were just starting to sit up and scoot along the floor (army crawling).  Within about 3 weeks or so you starting really crawling and almost immediately (within a day) were pulling up on everything and walking along furniture. Your Aunt Casey and cousin Landon moved in with us from the time you were 6 months to about 9. You advanced SO quickly having your big cousin to keep up with. You took your first steps at about 8 1/2 months and in a month or so you were walking around everywhere!! I remember the first time you took more than your usual 5 or 6 steps. I was walking to the kitchen and you were in the living room and no sooner did I reach the fridge when I heard something. I turned around and there you were! You were walking like a little zombie! For the first week you walked with your arms straight out like a mini monster! It was adorable! Especially when you would do your infamous growling! Yes, don't worry I have that on video! Once you started walking you really started to come out of your shell. I don't know if it was the new found confidence that walking brought you or if that is normal for 9 months but you were so full of personality! Your Uncle Chris joing the military when you were about 6 months old and we went to visit him several times when he was away. He loves spending time with you! Your Uncle Chris and I would always have dinner every Friday when I was pregnant with you and after you were born I was afraid to take you anywhere. I got really depressed and didn't want to do much. He was so great to encourage me to get out and do stuff! So we started our dinners up again and without fail we meet every Friday to have dinner! When he was away for the Army, your sweet Aunt Lindsay took over Friday nights and we had a blast! We would have cook outs or go out and sometimes just hang out! Without them encouraging me to keep getting out and doing things, there is no telling how much the depression would have continued to take over my life. Fortunately, that is no longer much of an issue! Now your Uncle Chris is back home and we still meet every Friday! We've been doing this for almost 2 years now. We also went on your first beach trip this summer to Ocean Isle Beach! We went with Grandma and Grandpa and your cousin Landon! We had a great time and you loved the ocean! I can't wait til next year! You are going to have even more fun! I have to mention your first birthday party too! It was HUGE! There were like 100+ people there! It took me forever to plan and seemed to go by so quickly, but we had a great time! You didn't really care for birthday cake. We expected you to make a huge mess and  you could really care less about the cake! We did a beach themed birthday! You had both sides of the family there. They sang happy birthday to you in spanish and it made me cry! It was so beautiful and really showed me how lucky you are to have two strong cultures to grow up with!
You started trying to say some real words around 10-11 months HOWEVER your FIRST word was MAMA!!! You were 7(almost 8) months old and we were playing over at Stephanie and Brayden's and she was holding you. You started to cry and reach out for me. Stephanie encouraged you to say Mama and sure enough you did!! My heart melted and the next morning instead of your usual crying, all I heard was that precious sweet "mama!"  Your next word was definitely BALL! It is still one of your favorite words! You can also say cat, dog, light, cup, up, dada,look, papi, that, papaw, bubba(banana), bebe (blanket)  and just recently starting saying "pweez" when you want something. You can say a couple spanish words too like aya, lota, and aqua. It is funny because I kept hearing you say "aya aya" every time you would point or throw something and it sounds a bit like a karate chop "aaaaya!" so I thought you had just picked that up somewhere. It wasn't until I was watching you play with your dad that I realized you were speaking spanish! He would point and say "aya!" directing you to throw the ball in a specific place. It's funny, I never imagined having a child that would speak spanish like this, and I guess I was thining to listen for them! Either way I am incredibly proud of your language comprehension now! You understand just about everything I ask you to do! I can ask you to go into your room and get your "banana book" and you go in there and get the right book and bring it back. If I say "Let's Go!" you bring me your shoes! You like to help me unload the dishwasher and cook and you absolutely LOVE to vacuum! You try to ride on the vacuum!
I am anxious for you to talk more and more. The doctors have told me that bilingual children often don't talk until almost 3 or 4 years of age, but that when they do start talking, they can speak both languages at or above their age level. The delay is caused by the difference in the facial muscles used in each language. The muscles (including tongue movement) required for English are very different from the muscles used to speak Spanish. We are so sure that our God is good and faithful! We know he has healed you and we know he will help you in language as well. We still pray for you multiple times a day. You have become such an active part of church worship lately too. I sometimes get a little teary eyed watching you clap your hands and raise them up and even try to sing! You are soooooo into worshiping! You love it! It makes me proud and happy to see you already loving church! I see you watching your father neal at the alter, or sitting in between us during the sermon holding your bible and listening. You are just so young to seem so in tuned with worship! I know God is speaking to you. I don't know if you can sense the spirit there or if you are just so sensitive to the spirit, but you get it! At only 14 months, you get it! I am amazed at you every time we go to church, I really am. I CAN NOT WAIT to see the young man you become! You are surely going to do great things. I will never let you forget how special you are and how blessed we are that you are so healthy. I met a young man recently who had the exact same things happen to him at birth. He is almost 3 and still cannot sit up independently. I don't think people realize sometimes just how miraculous you are. By all accounts you should not be doing any of the things you are doing. We believe truly that you were healed by only God himself. You are proof of a modern day miracle!
You are learning new things everyday! We are having so much fun watching you grow up! I almost wish you could stay this age forever! You do some of the silliest things! Whenever we say TOUCHDOWN!! you raise your hands up! We can ask you "What sound does the piggy make?" and you make the most adorable pig noise! You do do turtle lip smacking if we ask "what does the tortuga do?" And my favorite is when daddy says "TORRO TORRO!" and you become a little bull and snort and snarl at us! You can already use a fork and a spoon really well. You still only weigh about 20lbs but you are so active that it is hard to keep the weight on you! You have 12 teeth already! We just have your incisors and then we should have a little break from teething for a bit! You also tell mommy whenever you do #2 in your diaper which is pretty awesome because now I can just ask you and you tell me yes or no. So far you have always been right and then I don't have to wonder if it's just gas or if you really did something. You also go over and lay down and get a diaper when you want to be changed. We have a little potty in the bathroom and you go potty with mommy all day. You even like to use your toilet paper and flush your potty. Now if we can just get you to actual do something on the potty instead of just pretend! Nevertheless I am stoked that you are so interested in going potty! I
I have really enjoyed being a stay at home mom more than I thought I would. I really feel like this is the most important job I've ever had! That being said, it is also the hardest! I never worked this hard at any other job! There are no breaks, no help, no sitting down, nothing! It's go go go 24/7 and I wouldn't trade my time with you for anything. I have cherished these moments with you but I am sad to see your Daddy have to work so hard. He is so good to us! He is working 2 jobs so that I can stay home with you. Somedays, like today, he doesn't even come home in between jobs. He is gone from 5 in the morning til 11 at night or later. But I want you to know the most amazing part of this, he has NEVER, not even once, complained! He loves you so much Isaiah! You are his everything! When he is off, instead of sleeping in he can't wait to get up and spend the day with you. When he is home the two of you are truly inseparable. I know that there may be times when you get frustrated with us or even mad, but please know how much your father has sacrificed for you so that you could have the therapy and the attention that you needed so early on. He has always put us first. Look to him for guidance and listen to him when he tells you something. He is so wise and so strong and he will always have your best interest at heart. I would be so proud if you grew up to be the man that he is! He is the best father I could have ever dreamed for my child. Never think for a second that our love for you is anything less than unconditional. We are here for you no matter what and we will always do our best to be the greatest parents we can! Being a mom, or parent for that matter, is incredibly hard. No one can really prepare you for it. No book or article or post or blog, nothing. It is all different and situational and no matter how hard we try to be perfect parents we are unperfect people and fall short so many times. But we keep on trying, trying hard, and thank God for his great mercies each day!

Aye Mijo!!!


Where do I begin sweetheart! Where do I begin?? What an incredible rollercoaster you have been these last few months. You have kept me so busy I haven't had a chance to sit down and write to you. You are going to be 5 months old soon and your father and I could not be prouder of the accomplishments you have already made! I'm gonna fill this letter with pics from the last few months!

Daddy snuggles! You LOVE these!

You developed acid reflux shortly after bringing you home. It was so sad. You made the most pitiful cry. It was almost like a little wimper and your father and I didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it. Finally after trying a couple different formulas and medicines we got you all worked out. You are on a "sensitive" formula. Haha I'm sure one day when  you are a big boy you will love knowing your little tummy needed the sensitive formula :) We stopped breastfeeding around 9 weeks because I've been having a difficult time with things since we came home.
 I worry about you son, I fear the unknown and I am having a hard time relaxing with things. I needed a medicine that would make me stop crying so much. I don't want you to think that everything in life is always as you dream it will be or that it is always easy beacuse that is unrealistic. But I promise you son that if you fix your eyes on Jesus, things will be better than anything you can imagine. You see, I dreamed a whole life for you in my head before you were ever born. I had every detail of you birth and the coming weeks planned to a T. And not a single thing on my list happened Isaiah. But I know and trust that this is God's plan for our lives and there is a reason for all this. I have no idea right now what that reason is. But we will figure that out together son on our own family journey. The most important thing is that you learn, as I have these past few months, to completely trust God and know that he is in control and all things work together for the good of those who love him! My faith has been tested harder in the past 4 months than in my whole life. I truly feel God is preparing us for something son. And as your Grandfather reminded me last night, that every great man in the Bible, every great servant of God, had a strong Christian woman in his life to guide him as a young man. I see now that God is making me that woman.

Decorating Christmas Cookies

Always so curious!

My faith feels unshakable. It feels as though almost every week something new is thrown at us and honestly son the fear is there. It really is. But I just close my eyes and get on my knees and I pray. I pray hard. And I believe. I believe that you are in the best hands possible at all times...God's. Nothing is a surpise to him, I know that Satan is attacking our little family hard right now and that is because he fears the great things you will do one day. But I promise you son, I will not falter. I will not give up, and I will continue to do all the things I can physically do to ensure that you grow in to a strong, heathly Godly man. I pray over you as you sleep each night. You were saved for a reason Isaiah and we can't wait to see what it is!



Playing

It wasn't until I went to your 4 month appointment that I remember finally sighing my first sigh of relief. You had already rolled over from your stomach to your back weeks before and been reaching and grabbing for objects. But when the doctor examined you I was scared. I kept waiting to hear that something wasn't quite right. I can't explain to you the daily torment I go through son wondering if you will be okay. I don't want to hide this from you. I want you to know the severity of what you went through so that you can truly appreciate your abilities. Son we didn't know if you would have physical or mental disabilities from what you went through. And each physical therapist or doctor appointment we had up unitl that appointment each said "he looks great but it's still to soon to tell," or "only time will tell", "They really do more around 4-6 months, we will be looking for him to be meeting these milestones." I want to take a second to explain to you what it is like to sit and wonder and "wait" EVERYDAY to see if you child will lead a normal life or not. There is not a second that goes by that I don't think about your body and the movements you are making. When I see you playing on the floor I'm not thinking "aww look how cute he likes his monkey" Im thinking "what hand is he using, which way is he facing, can he do that same thing with the other arm. Why did he just do that? or make this movement or that..." It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I longed for that day that I could look at my son like all the other mothers get to and just see their baby, and not a potential problem. I realized Satan was trying to steal my joy but I couldn't seem to let it go. I love you so much it was impossible not to worry. During the 4 month exam while waiting for your doctor to tell me that we needed  to "keep an eye" on this or "work" on that he surprised me and said "I think we have an early walker here!" I just looked at your grandma and tears welled up in my eyes. "Really?" I said and he said "oh yeah Im thinking like 8 or 9 months." I was in disbelief! You sat up in your appointment for almost 5 minutes playing with the paper on the bed and your little giraffe. Your doctor said that he didn't even see some 6 month olds sitting up that well. After he was finished, he looked at me and said "Cari, his muscle tone looks fantastic, you have nothing to worry about" I started to cry. I couldn't help it. Those were the words I'd been praying to hear 15 thousand times a day for over 4 months!! You. are. a. miracle!

First Christmas Photo with Daddy!

You had started trying to sit up on your own at about 3 1/2 months. I remember showing your grandmother because even that I was worried about. I sat you in between my legs and let you go and you stayed sitting up for about a min or so and I said "see he keeps want to try and sit up is that normal??" and I'll never forget what she said, she said "he's not trying...he IS sitting up!!" and she was so happy and for a moment I wasn't scared. I was so proud of you. You were doing something on your own and you were doing it really well. It seemed like you made progress really quickly. You started reaching out and grabbing your toys and putting everything in your mouth, then you were rolling over all the time. We couldn't keep you on your belly anymore! Oh and the day you finally discovered you had feet!! It took you a good week or so but one Friday morning you were laying in bed with me and your dad and you finally got them in your mouth! It seems like a weird thing to be proud of but it shows that your are doing well.




Eating my feet!

 I remember the day  you finally rolled over again (you first rolled over at about 12 weeks but hadn't done it again in almost 3 weeks and I was worried it was just a fluke the first time). I was getting ready to go out on a date with your daddy for our 2 year anniversary and your grandma was on her way over. From the other room I hear "YEAAAHH Isai!!" I ran out to see what you did and he told me you rolled over. I thought he was lying at first! But then you did it again right in front of me! I will always remember the look in your father's eyes that day. It is a look I am sure to see again the first time you say "Daddy" or score a goal in soccer, ace a test, and graduate. It was a tear filled smile that said "I'm so proud of you son!" Each time you do something that defies the odds and proves that you are going to be fine we just look at each other and I know we are thinking the same thing. How lucky we are to have you and how amazed we are at your strength and determination at even such a tiny age.




Playing baby Jesus in the Christmas Play!

You have taught me and continue to teach me so much about myself, life, love, marriage, and God, each day.







Just this week alone we made the decision to have you wear a cranial band and it was not an easy decision (you have a slight 3% cranial slant-which isn't noticable cosmetically from your time in the NICU-laying on one side for so long) and we made the decision to fix this. You shouldn't have to wear it very long but it will be best for you in the long run. You are showing me that it doesn't matter what other people think or what is popular. What matters most is our health and what we do with the life we are given. 


Getting Fitted for our cranial band

Painted to look like a Panther helmet!

 On top of all that I got the flu and you had to go stay with Grandma. You are there right now which is why I have enough time to actually be writing this. We have to stay apart for 10 days until I am no longer contagious. So far it has been a little over 48 hours and I am dying without you!! I miss you so much! I can't wait to kiss your little cheeks again!

Breathing Treatments for your first major cold

No matter what comes our way we will continue to praise God and thank him for you! Each day you have here is already a gift. We can't wait to watch you grow and see who you will become! We love you so very much and we are honored to be your Mommy and Daddy!!

And so your journey begins...

Isaiah, the day you were born was easily the happiest day of my life. It was not only MY birthday but you wer born only 18 minutes later than the exact time I was born. You were the best present any mommy could ask for. I went in to be induced on Wednesday August 8, 2012. Your daddy and I could barely sleep the night before. We were so excited to meet you! We had all out bags packed, our birth plan printed out, newborn pics were scheduled, and we were ready! We arrived at the hospital at 7:30 am. Mommy cried in the car on the way there because she was so scared and nervous and excited all in one. I couldn't believe it was really time to have you! The day progressed slowly. They gave me pitocin to help induce the labor. Hour after hour, contraction after contraction, mommy was not changing very quickly. Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Casey and Daddy all spent the night together waiting for your arrival but the labor went into the next day (OUR birthday!) The nurses and the doctor woke me up by coming in and singing Happy Birthday to me! They said it may be my last birthday! I have a feeling they are right! Eventually, after using a balloon, an unsuccessful epidural, and 28 long hours of labor it was time to PUSH! Yay!!! I was exhausted, and hadn't eaten anything but ice chips but I was determined not to have you by c-section. The clock was ticking since my water had been broken and I knew I had to get you outta there! After a very short time of pushing, the doctor came in and Grandma and the doctor got cleaned and scrubbed up. Daddy and Aunt Casey were there helping mommy stay focused. After 2 big pushes your made your debut! But the cord was wrapped around your neck so the doctor went ahead and cut the cord. Then Grandma took over! She helped deliver you the rest of the way! You came into the world a little blue but strong! They placed you on my chest for a short time before taking you away to help you start to cry. It was the longest 45 seconds of my life. I just needed to hear you cry! Finally I heard it! You screamed out and it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. I started to cry too! Your first breath took ours away! Daddy cut your cord and kept a close eye on you until they could bring you back to Mommy. You were an instant expert at breastfeeding and the rest of the day was a dream. SO many people who loved you came to share in our joy. I was exhausted but didn't want it any other way. To watch all the people I love hold my child and love on him made me the happiest Mommy in the world. Your Daddy instantly fell in love with your pretty blue eyes (we hope you keep them!) and eventually as the people started to fade away. I held you close in my arms and watched you sleep. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. It was time to go to sleep for our first night together as a family. I put you in the bassinet next to my bed, made sure I had everything within reach and together we drifted off to sleep. I was the happiest Mom in the world! As I closed my eyes thanking God for you, I had no idea what the next few hours would hold.
     As any new mother knows. There is no real sleep when you have a baby, ecspecially the first night. Any peep a baby makes wakes you up! Thank God! I heard you spitting up and Grandma and I popped up at the same time and looked at you. You were spitting up a clear fluid and so I instantly started looking for the bulb syringe that we had the day before. It was NO WHERE to be found! So I had to call the nurse and haver her bring us a new one. I thank God for the nurse or person who took the bulb syringe out of my room the night before. It helped save my babies life. A nurse named Shannon came in with the syringe and got the fluid out of your mouth and explained to me that sometimes babies can have amniotic fluid in their lungs and it was normal. The next question she asked me would forever change our lives Isaiah, yours especially! All throughout my pregnancy and especially towards the end people kept telling me to let my baby stay in the nursery while in the hospital. I like to think it was God softening me and preparing me for this moment. It was people I looked up to as good parents that had told me to let you stay in the nursery. I kept telling myself there was no way I would EVER let my baby go to the nursery. I felt it would make me a bad parent! Then Shannon asked me "Would you like me to take him to the nursery for you so you can get some rest? We will bring him in to you whenever he wakes up to eat." For some reason everything inside me was saying "Give this lady your baby" With great hesitation and feeling of some guilt. I said "ok" As she left the room I looked at your Grandma and said "What? It doesn't make me a bad mom!" As Grandma laughed at me she said sweetly "No sweetheart it doesn't" About 20 min later Shannon and Dr. Villaveces came into the room. In soft voices they explained to me that only minutes after you had arrived in the nursery you turned blue and stopped breathing. It took over 2 minutes for them to revive you. They said you never made a noise only turned blue and stopped breathing. Had you been in mommy's room that night, in the dark, I would have never known you turned blue and you would have passed away. The thought of how close your father and I were to losing you sends chills down my back and brings me to my knees. You were spared and saved by the grace of God and for that I am eternally grateful. Within the time that the doctor and Shannon were talking to us, you had another episode! That was two in less than 30 minutes. Each lasting for well over 2 minutes. The miraculous thing is, Isaiah, that the nurse the was assigned to mommy that night was normally a NICU nurse. She just happened to pick up an extra shift on the maternity floor to help out a friend. So she knew exactly what to do when you turned blue, and when I asked her if she suspected that anything was wrong when she came in and saw you spitting up and she said "no not at all, I just always offer to take the baby so the mother can rest." You see, son, God placed that nurse there at the right place and right time, to protect you. Another amazing God-send was the NICU doctor that was on that night. Her name was Carmen Villaveces and she was from Cuba so she spoke PERFECT spanish! This was a blessing in itself, because she was able to really explain everything to Daddy and he felt comfortable asking her questions. After about an hour they allowed us to go back into the NICU, they made an exception this one time and allowed both your father and I, and Grandma back into the unit. Normally it is only two at time (and at least one has to be the parent). We went back and you were located in the far back corner. When I saw you for the first time with all the tubes and machines hooked up to you I got tears in my eyes. You were so small and so alone. I just wanted to scoop you up in my arms and never let you go. I couldn't touch you though. You were on oxygen, a feeding tube and IV had been started. You were on so many monitors that there was no way you could even move. As the three of us stoof there listening to them explain all your "equipment" a nurse came over and started messing with one of the monitors. I remember her walking around us a few times and then suddenly hearing her say " he's going again" and I looked down at you, my baby boy, and you were blue..and stiff...and lifeless...
     Shannon pulled me back and the doctor and other nurses rushed over. They started rubbing you and trying to stimulate you to breathe, and pump more oxygen into you. As tears rolled down my cheeks, I stood in a bit of shock. Shannon asked if I wanted to leave, and I replied "Im not leaving him" After a few seconds, which felt like hours, the doctor pulled out a large metal pole and began to shove it down your throat to help you breathe. You remained blue and stiff. The doctor turned around sharply and said to Shannon, "You need to get her out of her now!!"  Grandma and Daddy and Shannon turned me around and started to guide me out of the NICU. Before I could make it out, I lost it. I thought I had just watched my son die before my very eyes. I wailed and screamed out and wept for you. All I remember was collapsing in my mother's arms and feeling a pain in my heart I cannot describe. I truly thought I had lost you. Tears roll down my face as I write this, just remembering that moment is too much to bear. I will never forget that moment.

    We finally got to the room and after some time Dr. Villaveces came in and said that you had had another episode. That made about 5 in 2 hours. They had tried to intubate you so that you could be put on a respirator, but you fought them so hard that they were unable to get it in. They had called up a special team that came in and after 3 more tries they were able to get you on the respirator. I was a little more relieved at that point because I knew now if you stopped breathing again, that the machine would breathe for you. They said that they were taking you down to get a CAT scan because they could not find any problems with your heart or lungs that would explain the episodes you were having. They told us that if the CAT scan came back normal that you would be airlifted to Levine's Childrens Hospital and more tests would be run. The CAT scan came back showing that you had suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage and were bleeding out in your brain. It also showed that you had a temporal contusion on the left side, exactly where the hemorrhage had occurred. Either one of those on their own may not have caused serious problems for you, however the very rare combination of both of them in their exact location caused pressure on the brain, resulting in seizures that caused you to stop breathing. They determined later that you were not continually bleeding and said they didn't know what effects, long term or short, that this would have on you. Only time would tell. We had to wait for you to start absorbing the blood and hope that the length of time without oxygen and the numerous seizures had not caused any brain dammage or physical disabilities. Isaiah, I can't really put into words what I was feeling at the time. I hadn't slept in days, I had just labored for 28 hours and given birth, and mentally now I was crumbling. I just cried and cried and cried and there was no sleeping, or eating. My body yearned for you, it litterally ached to be near you and I couldn't be with you. Because of your condition, we were not allowed access to you but for certain times of the day and they were limited to about 30 minutes. We weren't allowed to touch you or stimulate you in any way. I hope you never have to know the pain of having a child and having them hurt, and not being able to hold them or touch them or even be near them. I would go and sit in your room quietly and just look at you for as long as they would let me. And when my time came again to be allowed to see you again, I was back again. 

First time Mommy got to hold you!

    Grandpa and Aunt Casey and Uncle Chris came to see you. It is, I'm sure, a sight they will never forget either. Great Grandpa and Grandma came to visit you everyday. A lot of times they were not even allowed to see you, but they sat patiently with mommy and daddy and supported us. Friday was a LONG day. It is then that we asked all of our friends and family to pray and pray hard. We needed a miracle. We needed God to save our son. Early Saturday morning your father and I woke up to go and see you for one of our visits and the nurse told us that you had excabated yourself off the respirator! Now, this doesn't sound as amazing as it is, until I tell you that you did it with no hands! That's right! You took out the respirtator tube (that was all the way in your lungs) by yourself with no hands! You had your hands restrained by the IV and were not able to really move, you used your muscles internally to take out the tube. It goes without saying that for a newborn, this is next to impossible. God decided you didn't need that respirator anymore. At this point you had developed jaundice and were still on a feeding tube and IV. But the respirator was gone. We continued just sitting quietly with you and waiting for answers. You were given an EEG and it showed that you were continually having numerous little seizures all the time. In addition to the morphine that you were on, they started you on Phenobarbitol (an anti convulsant) to help control the seizures. I was discharged from the hospital on Saturday but they allowed me to stay as a "guest" in a room with daddy so we could be near you. They set me up with a breast pump and told me to pump like it was my job! And pump I did son! I was a pumping machine. Whenever I wasn't with you, I was pumping. I didn't have much to give you. With the colostrum I could only get about 1-2 ml for you. I would walk into the NICU with pride as I handed them the syringe of food and watched them pump it directly into your stomach through the feeding tube. The nurse told me that one small drop of my colostrum or milk was more helpful to you than 10 IV bags of fluids and nutrients that they could give you. She aslo told me that you could tell when I was around. Whenever I would walk into the NICU my body would start to feel funny, my stomach would contract, my heart would beat faster. I could feel you in my soul. I was told my milk would likely not come in on time because of the stress that I was under, but I didn't give up. I continued to pump. 

Finally out of my incubator! This is Shannon the nurse who helped save my life!

Sunday morning your father and I went in for our usual morning visit and they informed us that today you had decided to take out your own IV! They said your vein blew and they tried several times to start a new one, and even had an IV team come and try and they had no success. The doctor decided that if you were going to take yourself off the respirator and your IV that you were deciding for yourself that you were done with those things and ready to be on your own. She said it was truly mind boggling at the way you were doing these things. She said she had not even wanted to attempt taking you off the respirator or the IV for another 3 or 4 days! But you, my sweet Isaiah, had had enough! So, the doctor ordered that if you were going to be off the IV you had to eat, and EAT you did! The first time they gave you a bottle they wanted you to at least get 30 ml and you drank and drank until the nurse took your bottle away! I think you would have taken the whole thing if they'd let you! Unfortunately, when you ate, you would forget to breath again. Your face would turn a gray color and they would have to rip the bottle out of your mouth and remind you to breath again.

This was your progress airplane. When everything was green you would be able to come home.

This went on for a few days, we would have to pace your feeding. But I was just happy that I was allowed to hold you and feed you myself. I eventually started pumping more and more milk and each day they replaced more and more of the formula with my milk. It was the only thing I could do that made me feel like I was helping you. So I made it my mission to pump enough for you to eat (by the time we left the hospital I had 7 extra full bottles of milk for you!) Tuesday came and you had another EEG and the EEG came back completely  normal!

Finally no more reds! We just needed some greens!

 In order to make sure that it was you not having seizures anymore and not the medicine, they started to ween you off the seizure medication and if you could make it until Saturday without another episode, or stopping breathing while you ate, they would let you room in with me on Saturday and come home on Sunday! I was so excited to finally know that you were getting better! Each day we did the same routine, your daddy and I would come in to feed you, and then I would pump and then we'd do it all over again. All night long through and all day, we lived for our times of 8-11-2-5. Those were the times we came to feed you. We were always early and stayed as long as we could. We would read you stories and softly sing you songs.
The physical therapist came in on Friday to evaluate you and labeled you with having "poor/low muscle tone" She gave us lots of exercises to do with you and taught us how to do baby massage! We have been doing them EVERYDAY and you have already made great progress.

Saying goodbye to Shannon..we will never forget you!



Looking good!

 So much so that your pediatrician is not worried that you won't catch up by you 4 month Physical therapy evaluation. Saturday morning I was just getting ready to get up and head to the NICU when there was a knock at my door, it was you!! The nurse brought you in to room with us for the day! We were so scared to go to sleep that night for fear of the same thing happeneing again but you made it through the night and the next night and the next. We brought you home on Sunday August 19, 2012.

Home Sweet Home

I think it is important you know all the people that prayed for you and reached out to our family through this time. People we didn't even know were rallying around us and praying, praying HARD, for you everyday. I fully believe with every fiber of my being that without all these prayers we might be in a very different situation today. All the texts, messages, voicemails, etc kept us encouraged and kept us going on some very hard days. This was my all means the most difficult time in your father and I's life so far. There were days where all we could do was cry and other days that we were so exhausted mentally and physically that we couldn't even make simple decisions like what to eat or what to wear. We clung to God and we clung to one another. We read our Bible for hours and prayed together. There were days where we could do nothing but cry out to God for help. And each day, God showed us his face. Through a nurse, through a blown IV, or through a simple text message from a friend. He showed us that we are not in control of anything and that we must rely completely on him. We are honored that he chose our son to do miraculous things through and we know that he has amazing things in store for you.

So happy to be home!

 A wonderful man named Timmy, whom you will come to know very well one day, told your father and I something one day that has made all the difference. He told us that Isaiah was a very strong name and that some of the greatest men in the Bible had VERY rough starts into this world. Like Moses and even Jesus himself. SO we consider it a great blessing and honor that God would work in our lives and bless us with such a special child. We KNOW you will do great things in life and that your life was saved for a reason. And while we still pray for your continued recovery and that there will be no long term effects we praise God each day for the progress you've made and continue to make each day. We are continuing to grow and know God in a new way everyday because of your life and it has changed the way we look at life, the way we look at God and the way we look at you. Without this incident all of our lives would be different. We dedicate our lives and yours to his Glory and his will. I can't wait to see what this life has in store for you son. You are truly special and great things are sure to come to you. We love you more than words can say. We are so proud of the fight that you have inside. We are so blessed to hold you and kiss you and call you our son. Te amo mi hijo.
 "Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the Lord for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world." -Isaiah 12:4-5

3 Months and counting!!!

I can't believe almost another whole month has gone by! Time is really starting to fly by! We are finally getting everything ready for you Isaiah. I am taking maternity leave from nursing school until January. So now I have more time to get ready for you! I've only been out of school for less than two weeks and already we've painted the nursery and got all your furniture built and ready to go. We switched the big queen bed we had out of the guest bedroom (which we now refer to as "Isaiah's room") and put in the twin bed I had when I was growing up. Your daddy and I built your crib last night. It was really fun doing it together. We were talking about you the whole time. After we put the crib together we put all the bedding on and we both just looked at the crib and each other and cherished the moment for a while. Sometimes I find myself just sitting in your room, thinking about how much our lives are about to change, what you will be like, who you will become...everything. The room isn't quite finished but we are getting there. Daddy and I are planning one last kid free vacation before you come. We are going to the beach for a week. We are also going to be doing our maternity photos there! The beach is a special place for me and your daddy. We love the way it makes us feel, the smell and the time that we have spent together at the beach has also been extra special. It is the reason we decided to do your nursery in a beach theme. But not just any beach theme! A real authentic vintage beach feel. So when you walk in the room you feel like you just arrived at the beach house. If I could find an air freshener or machine that pumped in that wonderful salty beach air I would buy 5 of them! I hope that when you are in your room you feel relaxed and peaceful like we do at the beach.
       You are ALWAYS moving! You must never sleep! I am always feeling your precious little kicks! I love knowing that you are always with me. I think about you all day, even when I'm busy at work, I'm always thinking of you and how much I love you. I can't wait to watch you grow and learn and become a strong man of God and a leader. I know, Isaiah, that you will do great things. I promise to be here for you every day of your life. I want you to know that mistakes are ok, as long as you learn from them. I promise to try my best everyday to be the best mom I can be for you. I may not be perfect but I will do my very best.
       You can open your eyes this week for the first time! I wonder what you see? What do you think when you hear your Daddy's voice or even mine? I also feel you have the hiccups sometimes! It is a really neat feeling! My feet are starting to swell now. It started about a day or two ago, I noticed they were feeling tighter in my shoes. Grandma and I were laughing today at work because they look so silly! I had to take off my wedding rings last week because my fingers were getting too big! I didn't want them to get stuck on there. It feels weird not having them on my finger! But I can assure you EVERYTHING I am going through and will go through is so very worth it! I don't hate or wish any of it away because it's all going to bring me you baby boy. My sweet Isaiah! I can tell your daddy is getting really excited to see you. He talks to you everyday! Sometimes in the morning when he is getting up for work and he thinks I am still sleeping, I can hear him talking to you, and he always gives you a kiss before he leaves! I can't wait to watch you two play soccer together. I hope you grow up to be just like your Daddy! We love you very much Isaiah and can't wait to meet you!
     Here are some pictures of us getting the nursery ready! It's no where near ready but it's getting there! We are going to change the bedding on the twin bed and add lots of cool beach decorations. We haven't decided on how we want to do the windows yet or how we will incorporate your name but Grandma, Great Grandma and Aunt Casey are coming down to the beach for a few days with us and we are going to have a girls day to go shopping for the perfect decorations!

My belly is growing more and more everyday!

Mommy at 24 weeks

Mommy at 25 weeks

Getting closer!

       ISAIAH!! You are making Mommy have the craziest dreams lately! It's practically every night! I had one two nights ago that I was eating my arm?!?! How insane is that? I had another one that was so real! It was that you were born and right after you were born they made me go wait back out in the waiting room of the hospital while they got your paperwork ready and I was trying to feed you for the first time and Grandma came in to help me and you looked up at us and started laughing at me! It was kind of an evil laugh like you were making fun of me because I didn't know how to feed you! Then when we got home you had a grown man's face! But you still had a little baby body! It was so wierd! I remember your nose being so big that I could see inside of it! Then when nobody was around you would jump down out of my arms and run away, and no one believed me that my 2 day old baby could run away! It was not a very fun dream. I know I've had more but I can't remember them all. It just seems like I wake up everyday thinking...whew glad that was only a dream!
        Your aunt Carmen is pregnant right now too. She is about 10 weeks ahead of us. We took her and Uncle Raciel to their very first ultrasound yesterday. Since they don't speak a lot of english  I went to translate for her. It was exciting because they found out that they are having a little boy too! I know you two will be best friends forever just like your papi's! Their lil boy was being a bit difficult, he had his feet up in his face and didn't want to move them! So while Carmen walked around and tried to get him to move a bit, the lady asked if I wanted her to look at you while we waited to kill time...of course I said YES! So, sweet baby Isaiah, I got to see you yesterday!!! Your first 3D ultrasound a few weeks ago was a bit scary for me you didn't really look like a baby yet, and your lil face wasn't fully formed yet. Now that I think about it, that might be the reason I had such avscary dream about you! But yesterday when your lil face popped up on the screen I fell in love with you even more! Of course I started to cry because I couldn't believe you are all mine! You are my Isaiah forever and sometimes I can't believe something so wonderful and perfect is inside me and I just thanked God for such a wonderful gift! As soon as I saw your face I saw your DADDY! You look so much like him to me! I saw your tiny feet and your little face! You were holding on to the cord and when the lady told you to move it out of your face..YOU DID! Your head down, face down with your feet up in my ribs! OUCH! You are only on the right side of my body. One side of my tummy is really hard and the other not so much. The lady said that it was typcial of babies to choose a side. I also have an anterior placenta so that adds some extra cushion and protection for you, however, it also means I won't be able to feel you kick as strongly as others with a posterior placenta. But I still feel you kicking around all the time! The lady also said that you were going to be a snuggler! You are nestled down in between my hip and the placenta and you looked so cozy! When I told Grandma what the lady said she said she would be glad to snuggle up with you anytime! So remember that! I can't wait to hold you Isaiah! Daddy put your pictures that we got yesterday up on the mirror in our bedroom so we can see you first thing every morning and the last thing every night. I starred at those pictures for hours yesterday. Looking at each toe and finger and sweet curve of your face! We are having another ultrasound next week because they didn't get all your measurements when I was sick. Great Grandpa and Grandma Friend are coming to this one! Great Grandma has never been to one! They didn't use them when she was pregnant and so I am excited she is coming to see you Isaiah.

        All the pictures of my belly are on your daddy's phone because he is the one who takes the pictures of me every week, but I will take a picture really quick so that I can post one on here for you. I will also see if I can't get a picture of the ultrasound pics from yesterday on here for you too. We are doing your nursery in a beach theme! I am very excited about it. I know it will be a room you love to be in! I can't wait til everything is ready for you! Here is how we are thinking of doing the room

 We are going to use the orange and aqua blue I love the shovels on the wall! We are going to make it a little different but these are the colors and main idea we're going with! Hope you love it!We bought your nursery furniture! It is still in the box because we are waiting until after we paint to put it all together. Can't wait to see you Isaiah. Keep up the good work! Mommy and Daddy love you very much! Here are some pics of you from yesterday. They don't look anywhere near as good as they did in person, they only printed in black and white instead of color and they are blurrier than what we saw on the screen, but this is you at 22 weeks!!

Here you are nestled in between my hip and the placenta is on the left. You like small tight spaces apparently. In this picutre you are actually face down and head down I had to roll over on my side a good ways for her to get these pictures of you.

 This is you putting the cord in your mouth! Haha you were waiving it around a bunch too. Guess you were being playful.

 This is you from the side! It looks like you are hugging me! Haha

    

IT'S A BOY!!!

That's right! As you of course already know you are a sweet baby BOY!!! Our appointment to find out if you were a little boy or girl was on Tuesday March 20th! Your grandma and grandpa were there, along with your Aunt Casey and your cousin Landon, and my cousin Christin. I was so excited I couldn't sleep for two days before we went! Your uncle Chris couldn't get out of work but he wanted to be apart of our special day so we had him on speaker phone in the room when we all found out. I knew very quickly that you were a little boy! You had your legs crossed for most of the ultrasound but we quickly saw that you were definitely a little boy! Your daddy had tears in his eyes when the lady said "It's a boy!" I, of course, started to cry too because I was so happy! I love seeing you on the screen. It makes me feel even closer to you. We watched you kick your legs and suck your thumb. You are already the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Later that night we went out to eat with your Great Grandpa and Grandma. Before we even had a chance to tell them if it was a boy or girl, your Great Grandpa said "I already know it's a boy!" And when I asked how he was so sure it was a boy he answered "I could tell from Noe's smile that it was a boy!" Your daddy was smiling bigger than Christmas moring. He is so proud to have you son! Your daddy picked out a beautiful name for you. We have official decided to name you Isaiah!!
        During your ultrasound, the technician kept saying how great you were, you were so laid back and you weren't moving very much so she was able to get all your measurments very easily. We all figured you were just acting like your daddy. Your daddy is a very patient, laid back man, so we thought you were just being like daddy. Little did we know, you and I were very sick. At the restaurant that night I became very ill. I was throwing up non-stop and felt very bad. We left the restaurant and I didn't even make it to the car before throwing up again. I thought it had to be all my nerves from being so excited for that day! Unfortunately that was not the case. We called the OB/GYN on-call and got a prescription called in for nausea. I had a really rough night. I was running to the bathroom every 20 min. I couldn't even keep down water. I started thinking maybe it was just food-poisoning. Later the next day when the nausea, vomitting and "you know" hadn't stopped I called the OB/GYN again and he suggested that we go to the emergency room for IV fluids, because he was concerned about you and I getting dehydrated since I couldn't keep anything down. My stomach had started hurting earlier that morning and had started to get worse. We went to the hospital down the road, thinking we would just be there for some fluids and then get to go home. Well, in the waiting room, my stomach kept getting really hard and tight and it was really painful. Then when I went to the bathroom I started spotting. Terrified, I called my OB/GYN and he had daddy drive me to the hospital that he works at and they took us right back to a room. I didn't know, at the time, what contractions were or what they felt like, but that is what was happening. By the time we got to University hospital I was screaming in pain. They took us right back and gave us lots of fluids and medicine, I don't remember everything that happened because I was in so much pain. But Grandma and Daddy were there the whole time making sure you and I were taken care of. Then they went and did an ultrasound to check on you. And do you know what...you were laying back sucking your thumb! You had a great strong heartbeat! I was so proud of you that I started to cry when they told me you were ok! The mere thought of you not being ok was more than I could take. It turns out we had a very bad GI virus and had to stay in the hospital for a couple days. But I learned the most amazing thing that day, I learned that days before I ever showed signs of being sick that you already knew Mommy wasn't feeling good, and in response you slow your heartbeat, require less food and oxygen and almost hibernate so that mommy can use everything she has to fight the virus for us! I was so amazed by you! I think that is so incredible! Thank you sweet Isaiah for helping Mommy! It is impossible to not believe in God when you see the miracle of life growing inside of you and all the unnbelievable things that occur. That is why you were not very active in your ultrasound. You knew Mommy wasn't feeling well. I'm so proud of you and even happier that you are perfectly fine growing big and strong! Ever since the hospital you have been moving and growing like crazy! My belly has grown so much since then and I feel you moving around all the time! I will post the pictures soon that I have been taking every week to show how much my belly is growing!

          This is a picture of some hand knitted booties that a patient of mine gave me during clinicals one day. She said that she prayed over each stich as she made them. She prayed you would be strong and healthy and grow to be a wonderful man of God, and do great things! It is the first gift we have received for you! I am very thankful for the sweet lady that made these for you. Another lady that works with your daddy started making a hand-made pillow and blanket for you as soon as Daddy told her we were expecting and she gave us the blanket and pillow last week when we came home from the hospital to encourage us! We are very blessed that God puts little angels in our lives everyday to show us that he is always here and always protecting us.
         We have another ultrasound scheduled for April 17th. We invited Great Grandma to this one because she has never been to an ultrasound before. They weren't available when she was pregnant and they were only really used in emergency situations when Grandma was pregnant and they weren't as sophisticated then. Well, by the time you are reading this, I can only imagine what they have available now! I will post some pictures from the sonogram in the next day or so. Thank you for helping mommy when I was sick and I can't tell you how amazed I am by you! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! Please stay strong and healthy and grow big for me and Daddy! We are getting everything ready for you. We bought your crib and changing table and dresser, they should be here any day now. But you just focus on growing, we will take care of everything else!  :) TE AMO MI BEBE HERMOSO!!