Aye Mijo!!!


Where do I begin sweetheart! Where do I begin?? What an incredible rollercoaster you have been these last few months. You have kept me so busy I haven't had a chance to sit down and write to you. You are going to be 5 months old soon and your father and I could not be prouder of the accomplishments you have already made! I'm gonna fill this letter with pics from the last few months!

Daddy snuggles! You LOVE these!

You developed acid reflux shortly after bringing you home. It was so sad. You made the most pitiful cry. It was almost like a little wimper and your father and I didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it. Finally after trying a couple different formulas and medicines we got you all worked out. You are on a "sensitive" formula. Haha I'm sure one day when  you are a big boy you will love knowing your little tummy needed the sensitive formula :) We stopped breastfeeding around 9 weeks because I've been having a difficult time with things since we came home.
 I worry about you son, I fear the unknown and I am having a hard time relaxing with things. I needed a medicine that would make me stop crying so much. I don't want you to think that everything in life is always as you dream it will be or that it is always easy beacuse that is unrealistic. But I promise you son that if you fix your eyes on Jesus, things will be better than anything you can imagine. You see, I dreamed a whole life for you in my head before you were ever born. I had every detail of you birth and the coming weeks planned to a T. And not a single thing on my list happened Isaiah. But I know and trust that this is God's plan for our lives and there is a reason for all this. I have no idea right now what that reason is. But we will figure that out together son on our own family journey. The most important thing is that you learn, as I have these past few months, to completely trust God and know that he is in control and all things work together for the good of those who love him! My faith has been tested harder in the past 4 months than in my whole life. I truly feel God is preparing us for something son. And as your Grandfather reminded me last night, that every great man in the Bible, every great servant of God, had a strong Christian woman in his life to guide him as a young man. I see now that God is making me that woman.

Decorating Christmas Cookies

Always so curious!

My faith feels unshakable. It feels as though almost every week something new is thrown at us and honestly son the fear is there. It really is. But I just close my eyes and get on my knees and I pray. I pray hard. And I believe. I believe that you are in the best hands possible at all times...God's. Nothing is a surpise to him, I know that Satan is attacking our little family hard right now and that is because he fears the great things you will do one day. But I promise you son, I will not falter. I will not give up, and I will continue to do all the things I can physically do to ensure that you grow in to a strong, heathly Godly man. I pray over you as you sleep each night. You were saved for a reason Isaiah and we can't wait to see what it is!



Playing

It wasn't until I went to your 4 month appointment that I remember finally sighing my first sigh of relief. You had already rolled over from your stomach to your back weeks before and been reaching and grabbing for objects. But when the doctor examined you I was scared. I kept waiting to hear that something wasn't quite right. I can't explain to you the daily torment I go through son wondering if you will be okay. I don't want to hide this from you. I want you to know the severity of what you went through so that you can truly appreciate your abilities. Son we didn't know if you would have physical or mental disabilities from what you went through. And each physical therapist or doctor appointment we had up unitl that appointment each said "he looks great but it's still to soon to tell," or "only time will tell", "They really do more around 4-6 months, we will be looking for him to be meeting these milestones." I want to take a second to explain to you what it is like to sit and wonder and "wait" EVERYDAY to see if you child will lead a normal life or not. There is not a second that goes by that I don't think about your body and the movements you are making. When I see you playing on the floor I'm not thinking "aww look how cute he likes his monkey" Im thinking "what hand is he using, which way is he facing, can he do that same thing with the other arm. Why did he just do that? or make this movement or that..." It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I longed for that day that I could look at my son like all the other mothers get to and just see their baby, and not a potential problem. I realized Satan was trying to steal my joy but I couldn't seem to let it go. I love you so much it was impossible not to worry. During the 4 month exam while waiting for your doctor to tell me that we needed  to "keep an eye" on this or "work" on that he surprised me and said "I think we have an early walker here!" I just looked at your grandma and tears welled up in my eyes. "Really?" I said and he said "oh yeah Im thinking like 8 or 9 months." I was in disbelief! You sat up in your appointment for almost 5 minutes playing with the paper on the bed and your little giraffe. Your doctor said that he didn't even see some 6 month olds sitting up that well. After he was finished, he looked at me and said "Cari, his muscle tone looks fantastic, you have nothing to worry about" I started to cry. I couldn't help it. Those were the words I'd been praying to hear 15 thousand times a day for over 4 months!! You. are. a. miracle!

First Christmas Photo with Daddy!

You had started trying to sit up on your own at about 3 1/2 months. I remember showing your grandmother because even that I was worried about. I sat you in between my legs and let you go and you stayed sitting up for about a min or so and I said "see he keeps want to try and sit up is that normal??" and I'll never forget what she said, she said "he's not trying...he IS sitting up!!" and she was so happy and for a moment I wasn't scared. I was so proud of you. You were doing something on your own and you were doing it really well. It seemed like you made progress really quickly. You started reaching out and grabbing your toys and putting everything in your mouth, then you were rolling over all the time. We couldn't keep you on your belly anymore! Oh and the day you finally discovered you had feet!! It took you a good week or so but one Friday morning you were laying in bed with me and your dad and you finally got them in your mouth! It seems like a weird thing to be proud of but it shows that your are doing well.




Eating my feet!

 I remember the day  you finally rolled over again (you first rolled over at about 12 weeks but hadn't done it again in almost 3 weeks and I was worried it was just a fluke the first time). I was getting ready to go out on a date with your daddy for our 2 year anniversary and your grandma was on her way over. From the other room I hear "YEAAAHH Isai!!" I ran out to see what you did and he told me you rolled over. I thought he was lying at first! But then you did it again right in front of me! I will always remember the look in your father's eyes that day. It is a look I am sure to see again the first time you say "Daddy" or score a goal in soccer, ace a test, and graduate. It was a tear filled smile that said "I'm so proud of you son!" Each time you do something that defies the odds and proves that you are going to be fine we just look at each other and I know we are thinking the same thing. How lucky we are to have you and how amazed we are at your strength and determination at even such a tiny age.




Playing baby Jesus in the Christmas Play!

You have taught me and continue to teach me so much about myself, life, love, marriage, and God, each day.







Just this week alone we made the decision to have you wear a cranial band and it was not an easy decision (you have a slight 3% cranial slant-which isn't noticable cosmetically from your time in the NICU-laying on one side for so long) and we made the decision to fix this. You shouldn't have to wear it very long but it will be best for you in the long run. You are showing me that it doesn't matter what other people think or what is popular. What matters most is our health and what we do with the life we are given. 


Getting Fitted for our cranial band

Painted to look like a Panther helmet!

 On top of all that I got the flu and you had to go stay with Grandma. You are there right now which is why I have enough time to actually be writing this. We have to stay apart for 10 days until I am no longer contagious. So far it has been a little over 48 hours and I am dying without you!! I miss you so much! I can't wait to kiss your little cheeks again!

Breathing Treatments for your first major cold

No matter what comes our way we will continue to praise God and thank him for you! Each day you have here is already a gift. We can't wait to watch you grow and see who you will become! We love you so very much and we are honored to be your Mommy and Daddy!!